Let Yourself Feel the Feels
Go in and take a big, deep breath for a moment. Take it all the way down, deep into your belly… pause. And now let it out.
Now try again… and allow some sound this time – whatever sound that wants to – escape on your exhale.
Can you do it? Can you let the sound that wants to, escape?
Try it again… Now how does that feel?
Did you find that was hard or easy for you to do?
If it was uncomfortable, what part was it? Was it breathing deep into your belly, or was it allowing yourself to release the sound that wanted to escape?
This moment of allowing everything else drop away as you take a in real breath and let out a natural sound for you that wants to release in this moment, is a tiny metaphor for what I am writing about today.
We often don’t allow ourselves to experience the full breadth of our emotions.
I can completely remember the moment. The moment before it all came down and the next moment when I was sitting on the other side of what could not be undone.
How weird. One moment things were one way, and in the next it wasn’t. The bottom dropped out. Instant removal but no real comprehension of what was yet to come. It would take time to fully load into my nervous system, the reality of what just hit me.
Well, what was it?
The IT doesn’t actually matter because you can relate to this in many ways through your own similar experiences. This could be anyone’s story really – learning your spouse cheated; sudden job or relationship loss; learning of the death of a loved one; childbirth; house burnt down – you get it.
One moment, life was one way and a moment later, it would never be the same.
Recall an experience like this for just a moment. What was your response? Did you allow it to fully load into your being and express however it wanted to express?
Did you continue to allow it to express as it needed, or at some point, did you decide to tuck it away?
Time does not heal all wounds; But feeling those wounds does
Why did I start with the breath? Because so many of us do not even slow down for a moment to take in some deep breaths and experience where we are at emotionally in the moment.
We’ve got too much going on. “Ugh… I really don’t have time for this. I have too much to do… meetings, deadlines, a job to find,” and on…
We don’t find a moment to take in some deep breaths to connect into ourselves and check in.
I was at a healing workshop this past weekend, and we were discussing how many people cannot – as in, don’t know how to – breathe into their belly.
The belly is where our emotions are stored when they are not fully digested through the energy of our Being. Many of us learn not to go into the belly – subconsciously we know that is where the pain lives.
And we need to go there. Desperately.
When something devastating occurs, we do everything we can to pick up the pieces – sometimes long before they are ready to. Which is why things get messy and confusing. We try to rush a process that has no business being rushed.
We try to get to third base without ever going past first or second. We put on a good face for an unwhole process. Rather than experiencing the discomfort through the feelings, we shut them down.
We think they ‘go away’ quicker that way…..
No, they don’t really. They stick around unacknowledged and naw away at our soft insides.
We all really need to just feel the ‘feels.’ Yep. Every single one of us. We are all built the same.
What the heck are ‘feels?’
Urban Dictionary: Feels A wave of emotions that sometimes cannot be adequately explained.
I remember the first time I saw use of this slang word. I wasn’t so sure I liked it and didn’t bother looking it up. As I saw it more and more, I began to intuitively understand that it meant real, raw emotion that just doesn’t have words. I liked that.
Most of us avoid any feels that are not of the ‘good feels’ variety. We don’t like to feel bad because when we were a kid, we were conditioned to try and change those feels when they come up.
The real, deep grief. Loss. Sadness. Hurt. The pain of our very existence, for some…. When we don’t feel the feels in a real, authentic way, we sidestep the real, deep healing.
Those feels get stuck on hold in our energy field and we can never really move past them. They want to be expressed and so will show up in other experiences throughout our life when those feels are triggered.
It is okay to feel bad. It really, really is.
We aren’t told this enough as young children. Everyone wants to fix our tears and what makes us sad. But, we don’t need fixing and we never did.
We just needed permission to feel it and be with it. And maybe someone to sit with us and just be there too.
Be that source of comfort for yourself now. You have permission and you don’t need fixing. Be that compassionate someone for yourself to sit with and cry with and know that it’s okay.
Let it all out. And give someone else permission to do the same.
Let the tears, the anger, the fist pounding run through you – through the blood in your veins. Let it all out. Let it go until it all runs out.
It is in this full experience of our truest emotions that we find real freedom. We find the ability to think more clearly and know definitively what is next. When feels get stopped up we become confused, scared, and feel alone.
We are scared of what will happen to us if we feel what is really there. We never expect that what lies on the other side of that experience, just might be our freedom.
Go ahead and feel your feels. And give another permission to feel theirs too.
Until next week, Brandy xxx